Email Quiz
by Plushie Heartless
Summary: In a bout of severe boredom, Kai fills out one of those annoying email questionnaires people just love to make... with interesting results. [TYKA, Oneshot]


**Kai**: (glaring) They let people like you write fanfiction?

**Heartless**: (Insane grin) You'd better believe it!

**Kai:** ...At least you don't _own_ Beyblade.Or Princess Bride.

* * *

Kai Hiwatari fixed an infamous 'Death Glare' at the computer screen as if to channel its heat over to the undoubtedly dementedly amused redhead across the wires. 

The Russian didn't even like the internet – he thought it a waste of time that could be spent on better things, like _training_. But even Kai couldn't fight the inevitable necessity that the World Wide Web was becoming in the fast-paced life everyone seemed to be leading now. Heck- even TYSON had a computer in his house now (A laptop from Hiro).

Damn it all. Tala should know not to send _him_ things like this... Ever. He wasn't the damn **type** for _questionnaires_! Violet eyes narrowed at the subject _'If you ever get bored...'_

One sent _Kenny_ these questionnaires, or Max, or even Tyson to do when feeling unproductive. Not him. Not Kai.

Kai huffed slightly, knowing as he clicked the window closed that Tala pulled a contact sweep and emailed it to everyone he had on his list...

Time passed.

He never should have scoffed at Tala's little 'gift'. The Russian had somehow reached a strange, incurable level of **boredom**. Training offered him no solace, nor did glaring at random objects, nor thinking about oblivious navy-haired Beybladers, nor brooding about the strange emotions caused by said Beybladers... all his favorite things to do!

...And that email was looking very appealing.

Relenting (Since, after all, no one could SEE him), Kai logged in again and checked his email. Opening the horribly interesting thing... violet eyes skimmed over a long paragraph spiel over how you can _'get 2 know ur friends and urself_', _'may even B surprised'_, send it to everyone then fill it out and send that too. (Did Tyson write this? No, even he didn't spell this bad...)

#1. About U - 

Wat is ur name?

Clever. Very clever. Typing the three little keys, Kai vowed then and there to murder his old time friend for sending this.

Wat do u want 2 b called?

Smiling sarcastically, Kai typed, '_What do you think?_'

What names wuld u give ur kids?

Since he never planned on having children, Kai responded with the first thing that came to mind –_ Gou. _

Wht age r u? _16._

Wat age do u want 2 b? _13._ He met Tyson... and became a Bladebreaker when he was thirteen. It seemed so long ago now... when he was just another overconfident, proud-to-a-fault rebel who wanted nothing more than to be left alone, and Tyson just the annoying, loud, cocky run-of-the-mill hotshot that couldn't just let him have his peace... Not that much had changed, except...

He didn't find Tyson that annoying anymore. Though the master of Dragoon was still loud (Especially when his voice cracked. Then it was funny.) and arrogant (winning the 3 world championships left Tyson with swelled head that he always seemed to fall prey to after victory, but it was cute, in a way...)...

Kai drew his attention back to the survey.

Fav. color? _Blue_

Fav. food? _If I answered that, all sense of mystery about myself would be gone. _

Fav. place? Hm... what should he put, 'training hall', or 'staduim'? The Stadium had memories of battles with Tyson, and he did love to battle against his...former teammate... but the training hall had memories of sweating Tyson after a harsh workout, even if the navy-haired teen didn't wear those white T-shirts anymore...

_The training hall or Beybattle staduim_

Fav. animal? _Phoenix_

Got pets? _No._

Fav. thing to do in spare time? _Well, it's not filling out stupid surveys._

Fav. person? Some1 who knows u, &u know? _How would they be my favorite person if I don't know them? _typed Kai evasively. If he did send this to Tala and whoever else was on his contact list (which he might not, purely for his dignity's sake), they did NOT need to know that answer...

Fav. acter&actriz? Email questionnaires, favorite actors... what did they take him for, HILARY? Grunting, Kai skipped that one.

Fav. Movie? He had several. But he would die before admitting ANY of them, as Tyson mostly introduced all of them.

What's ur biggest feer? In typical Kai fashion, he simply put, '_I fear nothing'. _

What's teh 1 thing u wanna do b4 u die? _Defeat Tyson again, to prove that I can. I'm not second to ANYONE, and I'm just as good as he is. _Actually, what he wanted to do varied slightly from that. His horribly inappropriate fantasy involved defeating Tyson, somewhere in private, then confessing- ah, nevermind.

1 thing u coldn't live w/o? _...t-y-s-o-_Kai deleted the name almost formed quickly.

1 thing u cou;d live w/o?_ Stupid surveys like this._

Great, the next section was about his friends. Dammit, he didn't have that many friends – he wasn't Tyson, who made friends with everyone!

#2. Of UR FRiends who is the: 

Shortest: _Daichi. _Were Daichi and he really friends? They never really talked... Kai guessed they were... sort of. If that 'any friend of yours is a friend of mine' saying applied to him and Tyson.

Tallest: _Tala_ The redhead was going to get a kick out of that one. If Kai sent this. Or didn't kill him before he opened his mailbox.

Funnyest: _Ty_ Kai's fingers froze above the keys... If Tyson ever found out that... Backspace-backspace. _n/a, as I have no sense of humor._

Sw33test: _n/a_

Advizer: _Kenny_

Most perfect: _Myself._

Dumbest/blondst: Hm, another tough one. Caught between two idiots. _Max actually is blond, so he wins that one. Sorry, Tyson. _

And now... the oh-so-fun 'love life' section. Well, what he assumed it was. The heading was '#3. UR Luv live'...

Do u get along with ur ex-bf/gf? _I don't date, therefore, I do not have ex-anything.._

Do u have toys in bed? If yes, wat r they're names and wat are they? _Why is this under-_ Hey... **WAIT A SECOND!**

Tala was so dead.

best pick-up line? No one used pick-up lines on him. He was _Kai_. Honestly...they valued their lives. _n/a_

1st rthing that attracts u 2 a guy/gurl? _Eyes. Big, expressive, cinnamon-colored eyes_

Majgr turn on of opposite sex? Not being the opposite sex, but Tyson. But Kai didn't put that down.

Major turn off frm opposite sex? Being, in fact, the opposite sex. Kai skipped that one too...

Wat do u want ur ideal b/f or g/f 2 B like? Tyson. It was an oxymoron, really, with all Tyson's faults, he was what Kai wanted in an ideal situation.

Who do you like, now? Be honest... Tala must have typed this one at the end. Christ, didn't he know how to insert things like this better? He spelled out the words 'you' and 'be' properly.

Kai pressed the 'back' button.

In his inbox, he found that Tala had sent him his answers. Opening it (against his better judgment), Kai skimmed to the bottom – Tala had also answered that last question.

* * *

_I don't have one person I like, per say... I am attracted to my old friend, Kai, but the little champion is also pretty appealing... _

* * *

He froze. 

He twitched.

He blushed angrily.

He plotted things _beyond_ simple torture to the death.

He was thinking more along the lines of... to the pain.

To the pain, for those who didn't know, meant almost complete butchery... butcherment... oh, whatever! It involved something nice and sharp, and that was good enough for Kai...

As follows...

The first thing the redhead will lose will be his feet below the ankles,

Then his hands at the wrists.

Next his nose.

Then his left eye, followed by his right.

His ears, however, he'll keep, and allow the narration to explain why... So that every shriek of every child at seeing Tala's hideousness will be his to cherish. Every babe that weeps at his approach, every woman that cries out, "_Dear God, what is that THING!_" will echo in Tala's perfect ears. It means Kai leaves Tala in _anguish, _wallowing in freakish misery forever.

The Russian smirked to himself.

At least he felt like being productive again.


End file.
